Knife!

Google 'The Annoying Orange' then watch almost any given video and you'll fully understand my title.  You can thank William for the reference.

But speaking of knives, for a long long time, I longed (see what I did there) for a fancy schmancy chef's knife.  I watched chefs on tv chop herbs with the vigor of a teenager expecting her first kiss.  Then, suddenly, the stars aligned and I had an unexpected gift card AND a coupon.  Bed, Bath, and Beyond baby!  Know what?  It took me another year to buy a knife. I was so scared the reality wouldn't live up to my expectations that I couldn't bring myself to do it.  But then the day arrived.  I decided it was time.  I went to BB&B with my gift card and coupon in hand...literally...I think I was too excited to put them in my purse.  I stared and I pondered.  I may have even second guessed myself but then I heard the words that changed everything - "Can I help you find something?"

I think I stood there like the aforementioned teenager expecting her first kiss and managed to spit out, "Uh, if I buy one of these [pointing to the knives], can I return it if I don't like it?" The salesperson gave me much grief "assuring" me they did NOT have a return policy (which is not true) so I relaxed and chose my knife.  He then carefully placed it in my hands...a Zwilling J.A. Henckels Professional "S" 8" Chef's Knife.  No no no, not an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.  A Zwilling J.A. Henckels Professional "S" 8" Chef's Knife! Come on now, stay with me.  Oh the excitement, the terror, the waiting.  It had come to an end.

I made sure I chose a dinner that night that involved a lot of slicing and chopping.  For the life of me, I can't remember anything beyond slicing a tomato and chopping fresh basil.  I called it a knifegasm.  To this day, I praise my knife.  I think it is the one tool I could not live without now.  Sometimes, we still make blade to eye contact and we both know.  Sure, Knife has hurt me.  I have many times left Knife in the sink without thinking and barely touched that fabulous sharp blade and cut the dickens out of several fingers.  But they are scars of pride and joy.  But Knife's joy has outweighed the hurt.  We have settled into a long and loving relationship.